You might be wondering what’s wrong with those messages. Doesn’t everyone want to enjoy a cookie guilt-free or find an easy way to lose a few pounds? The problem is that these statements reinforce toxic diet culture. They suggest that eating a cookie should bring guilt, or that regular ice cream isn’t acceptable unless it’s low-fat. These messages don’t seem harmful because they’ve become so normalized. But eating shouldn’t be a punishment or a reward, and physical activity shouldn’t be penance for what we eat. If you’ve ever told yourself, “I’ll need to work out extra hard tomorrow for eating this ice cream cone tonight,” that’s an example of disordered eating.
So, what exactly is disordered eating?
Disordered eating is a broad term used to describe unhealthy eating behaviors and beliefs that can negatively impact your mental, physical, and emotional health.
Restricting what or how much we eat, or pushing ourselves to exercise excessively, can lead to serious health issues — including constipation, bone density loss, hormone imbalances, depression, and anxiety.
Common Red Flags of Disordered Eating or Eating Disorders
- Skipping meals (e.g., skipping lunch because you had a “big breakfast”)
- Cutting out entire food groups or categories (e.g., eliminating all desserts)
- Eating in secret or avoiding meals with others
- Obsessive focus on weight or dieting
- Exercising excessively
- Following rigid eating rules
- Feeling guilt or shame around food or eating
Common Myths and Misconceptions
Signs of a Clinically Diagnosable Eating Disorder
- Frequent trips to the bathroom after eating
- Severely restricting daily calories or skipping meals entirely
- Intense distress about food or body image
- Constantly making negative comments about one’s appearance
- Absence of menstruation (in females)
How to Support Someone
- Avoiding comments about weight or appearance
- Asking how they are feeling instead of focusing on how they look
- Not labeling foods as “good” or “bad”
What to Avoid and Say Instead
Avoid: Words like skinny, fat, chubby, or scrawny
Why: Even well-meaning comments about appearance can make someone self-conscious or reinforce disordered habits.
Say instead: “You don’t seem like yourself lately — how are you feeling?”
Avoid: Praising weight loss or commenting on weight gain
Why: Weight-related compliments can unintentionally validate harmful behaviors or trigger negative emotions.
Say instead: “I’m not worried about how you look — I’m more concerned about how you’re feeling.”
Avoid: Self-deprecating jokes or negative body talk
Why: Kids and loved ones often model their beliefs after what they hear. If they constantly hear us criticizing ourselves, they may start doing the same.
Say instead: “I feel strong and confident today.”
Avoid: Labeling food as “good” or “bad”
Why: This creates guilt around eating and can lead to compensatory behaviors.
Say instead: Promote a balanced diet that includes both nutrient-dense foods and desserts in moderation.
Final Thoughts
Changing how we talk about food and bodies is a powerful step toward creating a culture of self-love and appreciation. Food should nourish our bodies, bring us joy, and connect us with others — not be a source of shame or guilt. Our bodies deserve to be celebrated for all that they do, from running and dancing to thinking and breathing.
If you or someone you know is showing signs of disordered eating, starting a compassionate and curious conversation could be life-changing.
Don’t wait for things to get worse. Early support can make all the difference.
